Player Profiles – Danny Williams

Name: Danny Williams

Position: Striker/Winger/Left Back

Danny Williams

Danny is a recent addition to the Green Dragon set-up, joining for an undisclosed fee from Handsworth FC. Danny is quite versatile in that he can play on the right of the midfield or can play upfront. The young striker was brought in to replace ex-Dragon top scorer, Sam Oxtraitor, after the striker sealed a big money move away from the club to join Risque FC.

Danny has been dubbed ‘the next Jamie Lemons’ (if that’s a good thing?!) and the Dragon management team have high hopes for the youngster. So much so, he scored 2 and grabbed an assist in his Dragon debut. Danny was recently in the tabloid headlines due to a reported disagreement between himself and Dragon Chairwoman Karen, after she offended the new signing by asking for his ID, the matter was quickly resolved and the two are now friends.

Player Profiles – Craig Orr

Name: Craig ‘Speedy’ Orr

Position: Striker

Craig ‘Speedy’ Orr

Craig is one of 3 Green Dragon players that has been at the club since its formation in 2008.

Craig is more commonly known by his tongue-in-cheek nickname ‘Speedy’, so called because of his lack of speed! He has mostly been used as an impact sub by the manager in an attempt to play as a target man and keep hold of the ball. Craig is also an avid Rotherham fan, not one of these Rotherham ‘fans’ that will have splinters in their arses from jumping on the bandwagon, and also works as a full time plasterer.

Player Profiles – James Wood

Name: James Wood

Position: Centre Midfield

James Wood

James was the marquee signing of the 2011-12 season. Green Dragon acquired the services of the midfield talisman halfway through last season, after regular midfield Antony Walsh sustained a foot injury in the game away at Rotherham Town CC. James is composed on the ball, creates and builds play from the centre of the park. Likes to chip in with a goal every so often, and got his debut goal in the last game of last season against Harthill Blue Bell. James is an avid Wednesdayite so fits in perfectly with the squad. Will he live up to the big price tag? Only time will tell. Great each way bet for player of the season (in his own words!).

Player Profiles – Daniel Nuttall

Name: Daniel Nuttall

Position: Right Wing/Centre Midfield

Daniel Nuttall

Now entering his fifth season in adult football, Daniel is fast becoming an accomplished Sunday league footballer. After losing out on the Nuttall Golden Boot award last year, Daniel will be wanting to set the story straight and lose it again, once and for all proving that his older brother Karl knows where the net is more than him. Now that another Nuttall has entered the fold, Daniel will have his work cut out trying to win the award.

Daniel is reknowned for being the biggest spouter in the team, forever cracking jokes, albeit not funny ones, but jokes all the same. He has described himself as the ‘team hero’ – god knows what that means, but anyway, oh yeah, and a ‘living legend’ apparently. Daniel recently auditioned for the part of Evil Knievel but failed to get the part as there was no judging panel there to see it. Shame. With the flurry of central midfielders that Green Dragon have at their disposal, Daniel will have to put in some stellar performances to nail down a starting spot for the coming season after missing pre-season last year. Oh yeah, he’s ginger as well. Poor bugger.

Player Profiles – Lee Dewsnap

Name: Lee Dewsnap

Position: Centre Midfield

Lee Dewsnap

Lee has been a near ever-present for Green Dragon. Lee has so far notched up 59 appearances for the team. Lee joined when the team was founded as Travellers Kimberworth and has been here ever since. Lee is now the oldest member of the playing squad after the recent retirement of Dragon stalwart, and man older than time itself, Christopher Heap. Keep smiling Heapy. Lee is also currently the Green Dragon secretary and the go-to guy for any problems. Lee plays in the centre of midfield, using the term ‘plays’ loosely I may add (only kidding Lee) and he is often known to go AWOL at times during games, but his teammates have become used to leaving him be until hearing the battlecry of ‘LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES’ – then Lee appears again and all is well. Providing he doesn’t miss the resulting header, which is often the case. Lee has recently been plastered over the back page of the local tabloids after accusations of a hair transplant, apparently he was grassed up Wayne Rooney, after the striker was also spotted at the same clinic. Lee’s management said he wasn’t available for comment at this time.

Player Profiles – Antony Walsh

Name: Antony ‘Mellor’ Walsh

Position: Centre Midfield

Antony ‘Mellor’ Walsh

Tough tackling central midfielder Antony joined Green Dragon at the beginning of last season. He has since established himself as the lynchpin of the Dragon midfield, constantly breaking up play and sticking a foot in, and never backs out of a tackle. Since Antony started playing football he constantly has to put up with bunches of screaming adorers on the sidelines often mistaking him for R’n’B superstar, Chris Brown, and most recently, Premiership footballer, Jack Rodwell.

Antony missed the second half of last season due to a foot injury and returned in pre-season, playing 1 and a half friendly games before sustaining another serious injury, this time to his eye. Antony was back in the Dragon midfield within a couple of weeks and cemented his place in the Dragon starting 11 by two-footing anything that moves.

Player Profiles – Chris McEwan

Name: Chris ‘Macca’ McEwan

Position: Centre Half/Goalkeeper/Centre Midfield

Chris ‘Macca’ McEwan

Chris is a product of the Green Dragon youth system (formerly Travellers FC). In his younger years, Chris was reknowned for being a goalkeeper, and a good one at that, challenging David Seaman for the England number 1 spot at the tender age of 10. As the years progressed Chris found himself playing in central midfield for Travellers Kimberworth, until he was put in defence as a makeshift centre back, and has stayed there ever since. Chris has the nickname ‘Sicknote’ – as he spends more time on the treatment table than he does on the pitch, snapping his cruciate ligament in a pre-season friendly and forcing him to spend 16 months on the sideline; which ultimately lead him to miss the entire 2011/12 promotion season.

Manager Brian Hinchliffe refers to him as ‘one half of Jedward’, with the other half being fellow utility man, Jamie ‘Gypo’ Lemons. Chris plays a very important role as club captain, by making sure the pub knows the team wants chips every Sunday.

Player Profiles – Jamie Lemons

Name: Jamie Lemons

Position: Subs Bench/Centre Midfield/Right Back/Striker

Jamie ‘Lemo’ Lemons

Jamie was originally born in Panithinaikos in Greece but moved to England when his parents opened the locally famous Barracuda fish and chip shop in Rotherham. Many people are unaware his real name is actually Julias Lemonoskapee.  Jamie joined Green Dragon 4 seasons ago for a club record fee of 4 pints of lager and a free massage from club receptionist Lee Dewsnap. Since then Jamie has been a regular fixture in the team, filling in positions when short due to his flexibility. Last season he captained the club and maintained a 100% win record until the armband was given to Judas Dob…sorry I mean Josh Dobson, who left the club at the end of last season. Jamie currently has a 100% scoring record when playing upfront (apparently!) and doesn’t let his teammates forget it.

Player Profiles – Thomas Nuttall

Name: Thomas Nuttall

Position: Left Back

Thomas Nuttall

This season will be Thomas’ first full season in competitive men’s football. Tom played in a couple of games for The Wilton towards the back end of the 2010-11 season before deciding to have a season out. Tom originally played upfront for The Wilton but has since been more accustomed to playing at full back, diving in neck height into tackles with people about 10 feet taller and 20 stone heavier than him, oftening dismembering opponents, some known to have legs removed at the knee, others with ankles, you name it, Tom’s removed it. In a recent turn of events, Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini was spotted at a recent Dragon pre-season friendly at Dalton, as reports were circulating around the Etihad Stadium that Bosnian international, Edin Dzeko, was turning out for the Kimberworth side. Reports were unfounded as it was discovered that the press mistakingly took Thomas for Dzeko, which is an easy mistake to make.

Player Profiles – Brian Hinchliffe

Name: Brian Hinchliffe

Position: ‘The Gaffer’

Brian ‘The Gaffer’ Hinchliffe

Brian turned his hand to management in 2008 after a torrid time with a reaccuring knee injury. Still wanting to be involved in the game in some way, he followed in his father’s footsteps and went into management, forming the team under the moniker of ‘Travellers Kimberworth. His first season in management ended in disaster as the club finished rock bottom of Division 8 and finished the season on 2 points. The second  season saw an improvement and the team finished 7th out of 12 teams. Brian’s third season in charge saw the team change names to ‘Manor Barn’ and were now competing in Division 7, where the team had a brilliant season and finished 4th. This achievement was recognised by the Green Dragon boardroom and Brian was subsequently offered the role of manager which he duly obliged and led the team to their best season to date, finishing 2nd in Division 5.

Brian is known for his ability to attract new players, including players of international recognition as ex-Scotland international, ‘The Monk’ signed on a bosman transfer in 2010. He is often found tapping up potential new signings around Kimberworth on a Saturday night, and has been caught by the media with signing on forms in his possession.

Brian’s management style reflects that of former England boss Mike Bassett. He is a straight-talking manager who likes to write his team on the reverse of a fag packet. He is well known for the hair dryer treatment and abuse towards opposition players during games. Brian has a number of famous sayings that the fans love to hear, such as; “Don’t just f*cking f*ck off” and “Head it, then you kick it, then you head it”.

Brian is loved by all the club, players and fans alike, and recently turned down the Tottenham Hotspur job to stay at Green Dragon, so the job was given to Andre Villas-Boas instead.