vs Bradwell Skips AWAY (CUP)

Bradwell Skips 10-3 GREEN DRAGON
(D.Nuttall 2, C.Patterson)

Dragon were back in the Sheffield & Hallamshire junior cup this weekend with a trip to an unfamiliar side in Bradwell Skips, they played in the Blades Super Draw first division. Dragon would be without ‘the gaffer’ Bri Hinchliffe so managerial duties were left to his brother Mark. Dragon started with Muzzy back in goal from suspension, a back four of Patterson, Lemo, Cal and Danny, Midfield was azza on the right, hickman on the left and Mellor with Karl in the middle. Dan Nuttall and Chris ‘One Chance’ Mcewan up front. The game began pretty evenly but Bradwell making more of the earlier moves as dragon failed to create many chances. Due to the shear number of Bradwell goals they won’t be reported mainly because I haven’t got a fucking clue how they went. At 2-0 down Dragon did manage to create a few chance and the breakthrough did come for the away side when Karl laid a ball into his brother upfront who managed to evade the 2 centre backs and stick the ball in the bottom left hand corner and make it 2-1. Bradwell’s third goal came in comical circumstances when local spouter Patterson piped up as Bradwell were about to take a corner, he was seen telling the opposition player ‘you’re fookin shit you, your bottom of league, your wank’, before been beaten to the header by the said opposition player for him to make it 3-1, needless to say he let Patterson know about it as the other 21 players on the pitch laughed. Patterson was basically the main talking point in this match as he finally, after months of trying, formed a clique, unfortunately it was with some black kid called Marlon. The half time whistle came soon after and Dragon went in 3-1 down.
The second half started poorly for Dragon as they conceded 4 relatively quick goals to make it 7-1 before they could create anything more for themselves. Dragon’s second came a little after when D.Nuttall picked the ball up inside the centre circle, took a few steps forward before seeing the keeper off his line and lofting it over the keeper into the net. This was a period of sustained pressure for Dragon as the then made it 7-3. D.Nuttall carried the ball forward and played Mcewan in down the line he pulled the ball across to the onrushing Patterson who cooly dispatched. Patterson celebrated like it was a goal in a world cup final shouting ‘Did you see that Marlon? That’s how its done’. This kind of atoned for his earlier own goals and completed his hat trick for the day. Bradwell then stuck another few in as the game petered out. The infamous ‘one chance’ did get his one chance as T.Nuttall ran down the line and put the ball across for McEwan who struck the ball as hard as a Grandma in a wheelchair and the keeper calmly collected, the crowd could be heard muttering ‘one chance my arse’ as McEwan walked off in despair.
The game was one Dragon will want to forget but the players were heard saying they were glad the gaffer wasn’t in attendance as his dog may not have lived to see the end of the day. Dragon again play away next week but it’s a shirt trip the Thorpe Red Lion.

Attendance: 6 blokes and 2 crutches

When life throws you Lemons … Part III

Walking in a Dragon wonderland …

Although some would argue that we haven’t actually had a summer, we are now approaching winter time. This is the time of the year that separates the men from the boys, the hard cases from the huffs and puffs, the warriors (c’mon we’re all warriors aren’t we?) from the posers, the soldiers … basically who’s going to wear gloves and who isn’t.

As footballers (haha!) we all hate winter. Games get cancelled, you lose the feeling in your ears and feet. You also know at some point you’re going to get smashed on the bare thigh by an extremely cold football. More notably, this is the time of the year when the squad drastically descends in numbers. The subs suddenly drop to that one person who was promised he would be starting, “Next week pal, I promise”. Who can blame them, who wants to stand on the sideline watching a rubbish game of football freezing your delicates off?

On another note, I’m feeling immense pressure to top last week’s column after receiving nothing but positive comments, to name a few;

“Now that’s fucking funny”

“Quality Lem”

and … “pure genius”.

Well I can’t be arsed to be brilliant every week, I’m not getting paid for this after all. So I thought I’d finish with a joke …

… Hickmans heading ability.

Dear Uncle Lemo

I wouldn’t consider myself a looker, in fact, no-one does. I’m probably a generous 3/10. My girlfriend however is a 10/10, she has a beautiful set of apples with nipples on and an arse that could crack a walnut. She works at the bar for my local football team and I know everyone thinks she is with me out of sympathy, it certainly isn’t for my small man piece, any advice? 

C.M

Hi C.M, 

I sympathise with your dilemma, I too am punching above my weight. Then again I do have an above-average sized penis and super sperm to compliment it. My advice to you would be to keep poking the lovely lady whilst you still can, maybe getting some video evidence of this to prove this to the lads. Good luck.

Anderson’s excuse of the week

I can’t play this week lads, our lass says if I want a poo then I have to do it in my own time.

vs Dalton Progressive WMC AWAY

Dalton Progressive WMC 1-2 GREEN DRAGON
D.Nuttall

A.Hickman

This Sunday Green Dragon were back in league action after a two week absence in the cups, last time out in the league Dragon were controversially beaten 3-2 by local referee Colin Bailey (no! we won’t let it go). After a convincing win in the cup last time out against Division six outfit Stag, dragon were hoping they could take this back into the league. Dalton and Dragon did meet in pre-season in what was seen as a bit of a nothing game as the pitch wasn’t marked out and there weren’t any nets, meaning the game was played with traffic cones for nets, Dalton ran out 5-4 winners that day. Dalton were billed as pre-season favourites for the league but had so far failed to live up to that reputation. Dragon lined up noticeable absentee Muzzy missing between the sticks, he was serving the only game of his ridiculous ban. This meant the gloves were given to team spouter and local small piece Chris McEwan. The back four was also changed with Max Branning(Dakin) at right back, Lemo and Cal in the middle and young Lucy Lui at left back. The midfield was as usual with D.Nuttall on the right, Jack Rodwell and Steven Gerrard in the middle and local property owner A.Hickman on the left, Azza and Karl up top.

The opening 10 minutes saw Dragon start the brighter, knocking the ball about well and creating a couple of chances. The first real chance fell the Cal as he tried to repeat the previous weeks heroics with a header that just glanced past the post. The first half saw Dragon forwards miss about 3million great chances, with Karl and Azza were both trying hard to hit Felix Baugmatner as he prepared to jump from space., The Dalton goalkeeper was also seen playing one twos with the dragon forwards at times.

 

Dalton though began to grab a hold of the game and the opening goal came when a long ball was knocked over the top, Dragon tried to play the offside trap but were about as level as the great wall of china and the striker was played onside allowing him to go one on one with McEwan and despatch calmly. The teams went in at 1-0 with what proved to be another infamous Hinchliffe rant in store. This though did seem to galvanise the Kimberworth outfit at the break as they came out much stronger into the second half. The only change was Patterson on at right back for Dakin and not long after the break Dragon were back in the game.

 

A free kick from deep in Dragon territory was brilliantly flicked on by Azza who sent D.Nuttall one on one with the defender, after turning him twice his initial shot was blocked but the Nuttall made sure at the second attempt and bagged his 11th of the season. Patterson was seen running the full length of the pitch to celebrate still desperate to be accepted into one of the teams cliques. A few more half chances came for both teams with no end product. The next of the games talking point came when D.Nuttall and The Dalton winger challenged for a header, Nuttall won it but at a cost as the Dalton winger caught Nuttall with his elbow and broke the ginger self proclaimed ‘hardnuts’ nose, Patterson was heard shouting ‘I heard it click, I heard it click, I heard it click , I heard it click, I heard it click, I heard it click’ it’s still unsure whether he heard anything relevant to the accident, many questioning why he was concentrating on trying to get in a clique when one of his teammates was injured.

 

Nuttall left the pitch with Clarkson replacing him, Hickman was heard shouting ‘get the fucking blood off my sponsor.’ From the resulting drop ball Dragon broke down the wing a ball was put across and hickman spectacularly finished with a beautiful shin roller. He orgasmic ally screamed when the ball landed in the net, reminiscent of Neville’s scream for Torres’ goal against Barcelona. Dragon were then put under pressure creating a few chances on the break, the best falling to K.Nuttall as he lofted a header over the keeper only to see it land at the foot of the post. The was a flash point late on when Clarkson stunned the world when he started on a Dalton player!!!!!!! Yes Clarkson! Kneeing the player in the back for no apparent reason, the players were given a talking too and the game continued. McEwan was also seen doing cartwheels and diving like free willy to save shots in order to make himself look the part infront of the ITV digital cameras, the team were treat to PG tips on the full time whistle as part of the deal with ITV digital.

 

An injury to woody after a late challenge from Dalton’s number 8 saw Lee Dewsnap turn from physio to player as he was brought on to replace woody, who has a suspected broken ankle. A lunge from Patterson wouldn’t have made him any friends if the referee had rightly pointed to the stop in the final minute, luckily he didn’t, Patterson is still a cunt though. The full time whistle blew and Dragon could reflect on three points well won as they continued their fantastic start to the season, the team also now have the best defence in the league. Next week Dragon are back in cup action against Blades Super Draw League First Division side Bradwell Skips.

Attendance: 3 men and a dog, and one old whinging cunt who didn’t like number 4.

vs Stag AWAY (Cup Rnd 2)

Stag 1-6 GREEN DRAGON

C. Simmons (2)

K. Nuttall

J. Williams

J.Lemons

A. Walker

This week saw Green Dragon face Division 6 side Stag in the Amber Stainrod cup 2nd round. A competition Dragon have taken serious in the past, having reached the semi-final of the cup back in 2010.
The weeks main news coming out of the Dragon camp was of the sale of Matt Fisher to Dragon’s Greek feeder club FC Alickalotofpuss – continuing the strong partnership between the two clubs after Dragon signed gob-shite right back and club columnist, Jamie Lemons in 1942. Manager Brian Hinchliffe started with a surprisingly strong squad, captain Chris McEwan shrugged off illness to return back to the squad, while Cruyff Williams returned from international duty to take his place on the bench. Mr O’Connor from Ireland was to officiate the game, drafting in replacement Greek linesman Jamie Lemons to give the match that international feeling – much to the dislike of right wing group EDL.

Dragon made a solid start and immediately had Stag on the back foot. The deadlock wasn’t broken until the 26th minute when left winger Aaron Walker whipped in a free kick and Cal Simmons arrived at the back post to head home – much to the delight of the Dragon away support. Ex-Dragon player Mark Hinchcliffe was in the dugout after joining the backroom staff as the clubs new director of sport/kitbag co-ordinator. Dragon soon made it two with a calm finish from Karl Nuttall, making up for the chance he balooned into Morrisons car park just moments before. It was soon 3-0 as Aaron Walker picked the ball up 35 yards out and unleashed an unstoppable shot that looped over the helpless Stag keeper and cannoned in off the far post. The scores remained the same up until the break.

Half-time: Stag 0-3 GREEN DRAGON

The second half started with Dragon continuing their impressive play and passing the ball about like Barcelona. It was soon 4-0 as Jack Williams slotted home, this was to be his only shot on target all game as he reports circulated that he was involved in a match-rigging scam and was trying to keep the score down. Dragon were now comfortable and added a 5th goal when Callum Simmons met a well taken corner and scored a bullet header to take his tally for the season to 3. Dragon then made substitutes, pin up boy Thomas Wainwright entered the pitch to the sound of young girls, Jimmy Savile and Lee Dewsnap’s screams. Wainwright put in a solid performance and even helped an opposition player up from the floor suffering with low confidence and asked him “how do you get up from an all-time low?”, this sent the crowd wild and girls were seen throwing bra’s and pants – even manager Brian Hinchliffe joined in the entertainment by flinging his stained white kegs onto Wainwrights face-which left a brown mark. It was soon 6-0 as Daniel Nuttall decided to ignore the plea’s to pass and take on 12 players, the corner flags, Stag’s backroom staff, Bramleys defence and supporters (on the other pitch), the Sheffield Parkway and Tom Nuttall’s hat before losing control of it to luckily find Jamie Lemonaragounis, who miss-hit it into the bottom corner. Stag had the final say though, a late corner was met by a barrel chested Stag player who got a clean head on it and it ‘stag’gered into the top corner. Skipper Chris McEwan was blamed for the marking-despite already marking 6 men.

Mr O’Connor brought the game to an end with Dragon running out comfortable 6-1 winners and progressing through to the next round. Next week see’s a return to league action against Dalton Progressive.

Full-time: Stag 1-6 GREEN DRAGON

When life throws you Lemons … Part II

Goal Line Clearance
I don’t know if anybody saw it, but last Sunday …. only kidding Macca.

In case of an emergency …

We’ve all been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Gone down with a life threatening injury, only to be back to full swing 5 minutes later, or as the pragmatist’s of us say ‘ran it off’.

So why do professional footballers need 3 physio’s, 6 medical bags, 2 paramedics and a stretcher  to get up from a dead leg? Don’t they know that for years us beer bellied, Yorkshire pudding eating Sunday league players have survived broken legs, torn ligaments, concussions and 6 inch blisters all through the magic of a water bottle, and a sponge for some teams with luxuries to spare. In some worse case scenarios, and I’m talking life threatening injuries, the manager/sub/girlfriend may run onto the pitch with some Deep Heat. Unless your Woody then it’s usually just a case of Sainsbury’s 24hr anti-perspirant.  The only person I’ve ever seen excluded from all of this is Cal, but that’s because he wears bandages on top of his many ankle/knee/cock protectors. If it’s cold on the other hand…

In case anyone is wandering why this section is quite long, it’s because I wrote it while having a shit, if you’re interested, it consisted of 3 pushes 5 wipes and no flush. The toilet at work is broken; it’s okay though the cleaner is polish so fuck him. And if you have read this last paragraph of the section, it proves you will read any shit! WAAHEY!! Ba-da-boom!

Maccas Injury Update

During an incident involving alcohol, Yorkshire puddings and Vaseline, he is out for 6 weeks with a burnt rectum.

Anderson’s excuse of the week…

I can’t play Sunday; I’m taking our lass to pictures Friday.

Ask Uncle Lemo

Hi Lemo, first time writer long time listener. I need your advice; I’m a recently married man and couldn’t be happier, except for one slight problem. I’m suddenly getting these urges to make brown hole love to other men, especially during shower times with the football lads. I don’t mind being a closet gay but I think the footy lads are becoming more and more aware. Any advice?

L.D

Hi L.D.

Have you tried dressing less gayer? Sounding less gayer? Talking less gayer? Just out yourself in a situation where you will get caught in the, maybe bum someone on your team who looks like a little Chinese girl. Everyone will understand, and it’s not so much fun taking the piss out of someone who is actually fag…I mean gay.

Final Farts

I think we all need to take a good long hard look at ourselves and our behaviour towards one another. As was quoted Sunday by the boss man, “your all a bunch of fucking pricks”.

vs Thurcroft Top Club AWAY (Cup Rnd 1)

This Sunday saw the Green Dragon travel to Thurcroft top club in the big boys cup. A side mid table in division one. A cup the Dragon management had mixed emotions about regarding financial reasons after splashing out on a spanking new green and white kit which looks like its being saved for best as they never wear it.

This was reflected in the side manager Brian ‘ginger mourinho’ Hinchcliffe fielded. A few new faces made their way into the starting xi. Muzzy managed to retain the number 1 jersey and somehow avoiding a suspension, no one has seen the ref who sent him off since Sunday. Coincidence? A back 4 of Dakin, Anderson, Cal and little Danny. A midfield of Pat, Woody, Dewsnap and Tom Nuttall. A front 2 of Hickman and the dragons number 11 and somehow captain for the week due to Macca’s ‘hungover’ poorly foot, who’s name alludes me.

The game started with a whiff of bacon sandwiches in air with Dragon on the back foot. Trying to remain solid and keep shape. Muzzy and the back 4 were due a busy afternoon.

The first talking point of the game came when Woody for the first time this season or maybe ever mis controlled the ball in the centre of the park and into the path on an on rushing thurcroft striker who charged through on goal. In his heroic attempt to retain possession and last ditch tackle to put off the striker who shot wide (job done) he accidentally pulled him down. Referee pointed to the spot. Rich probably would have tackled the striker had Woody now tried to clothesline the thurcroft forward. The striker sent muzzy who couldn’t keep his penalty heroics of last week up the wrong way. 1-0 thurcroft.

Moments later the dragon were forced into a change. Woody was stamped on by an opposition player which the referee failed to spot and the soreness of his ankle meant he couldn’t continue as he was needed to be fit for the little boys cup the week after. Hard man Mellor came on to replace him and was heard to have even attempted to tackle Woody as he made his way off the field.

The dragon managed to gain a little more composure as the minutes passed. Little Danny & Tom linking up well down the left and starting to put a foot on the ball. Thurcroft though continued to press and hit the woodwork moments before making it 2-0 a striker closed down rich made a slide tackle and deflected rich’s clearance into a helpless muzzy’s goal.

Just before half time a clash between Rich and Pat ended in Pat being floored for the 2nd time in a week after Fridays antics at a pre match bonding session in local hotspot and nationally celeb fave famous nightclub pop Rotherham, as Pat lay in agony on the floor Bri asked one of the subs to run on with the magic sponge as he was holding his dog to which no one obliged. Spectators overheard the Dragon gaffer shouting ‘wankers, you’re a bunch of bell ends, which we’re yet to confirm.

The Dragon tried to push forward and a run from Hickman was flagged for offside. With no player in 5 yards of him Hickman was heard shouting ‘I didn’t touch him ref it wasn’t a foul! What’s offside?!’

The Dragon did manage to take advantage of a mistake in the thurcroft back line a lofted back pass to the keeper which he attempted to chest and had a touch like the late sir jimmy savile with a young female child. (Too soon?) the dragon number 11 pounced rounded the goalkeeper and fired enthusiastically into the roof of the net. 2-1 Thurcroft.

Half time came and pressure was on bri to turn it around especially in front of his brother and former dragon player Mark Hinchcliffe who said a few motivational words his self. I’m not sure any of the players took it on board. Apart from little Danny who managed to not repeat his cross field ball antics across the back 4 from the first half. ‘You’re told not to do that at under 8’s’ which almost confirms little Danny to be Lucy Liu’s long lost 6 year old daughter. We still all would though.

Early in the 2nd half a carbon copy of thurcrofts 2nd goal made it 3-1 when Pats attempted clearance cannoned off a thurcroft strikers attempted tackle and into the net and ultimately ended any hope of a giant killing. Macca, club captain remained silent on the touch line providing no motivation for the side questioning whether now he has the club armband tattoo’ed on his left arm does he really need to become a vocal leader or does someone else deserve a shot?

Pats injury ultimately led to a dragon change early in the 2nd half with Karl Nuttall replacing Pat and Lemo coming on at right back for a tiring Dakin who had tracked the left winger for the first hour.

The dragon continued to work tirelessly with Mellor, Karl and Dewsnap working hard to close down with Dewsnap providing a motivational roar to try and motivate his side to step it up a gear. Cal and Rich were unlucky after dealing with a top centre forward partnership for most of the game. Hickman fired inches wide after a neat turn at the other end. A well delivered corner at the right end for the dragon was attacked by Lemo who leapt like a dead salmon and unluckily managed to miss the ball completely by at least 4 yards when any contact would have surely been a goal.

The final action was a chance for thurcroft as a strike towards goal wasn’t given up on by Lemo as he lunged his way back onto the line for a last ditch goal line clearance to try and stake a place in the starting back 4 next week. He was seen panting and having a cheeky fag after having to sprint back a whole 5 yards and redeeming his self for his earlier miss. Muzzy superbly saved the rebound with his legs.

The final whistle was blown. 3-1 thurcroft, a respectable result for a mixed Dragon side who now drop into the losers cup an one they realistically could win. Even passing up on bacon sarnies to get back for Karens chip butties, gravy and Yorkshires! They next face a trip to the Stag roundabout in the little boys cup one that which could feature changes and see boy band member of the wanted 2 Lil Wayne’wright & groupie Fisher who were overheard being promised minutes on the pitch. Lil Wayne’Wright is still hoping they give out end of season trophies for top sportsman as he’s a sure fire favourite for his commitment.

So not exactly a bad loss for the dragon but one they made up for by a post match bonding session on FIFA clubs. They’re best chance of silverwear this season. Purchases of xboxs have doubled in Rotherham.

Team Mates – Adam Hickman

Laziest player – Personally i think it’s gotta be Wainwright. He’s always stood around doing nowt!!

Most skilful – Gotta be Danny Nuttall on the pitch… Can always make something of nothing! In warm up flicks n tricks it’s Azza or Danny Williams… But these skillz don’t pay no billz!

Least skilful – I’d say Lemo!

Most intelligent – During the 90, Karl and Dan Nuttall…’cos he’s my brooooooother’

Least intelligent – Most definitely me by a country mile! On the pitch anyway.

Best dress sense – Woody. Always looking smart!

Worst dress sense – Toss up between Dewsnap and Karl. Dewsnap what is that leather jacket all about? Karl wears some pretty gay shit too!

Best taste in music – After Friday night it’s definitely Lemo!!!

Worst taste in music – Callum’s got some shit cd’s in his car, but I pretend I like em cos im grateful for the lift!

Hardman – Well I was given 5 seconds to type this so I’ll keep it brief. Patterson. No trouble tho yeah!?

Fastest player – Danny Williams is pretty quick I think!

Slowest player – Speedy or Greg

Player of the Month (Results) – Sept 2012

Winner of Sept 2012 Player of the Month award was Daniel Nuttall with 9 votes.

Joint 2nd were Luke Muscroft, James Wood and Jack Williams with 2 votes each.

…and joint 3rd were Greg Morton, Craig Patterson and Antony Walsh with 1 vote each.

When life throws you Lemons … Part I

Justice For Dragon
I think every single one of us is disappointed in last week’s loss, except for Bramley, Division 4, the Risgay lads and the referee.

Like Pat said, “How can you respect the ref when he’s a wanker? Are you in a clique ref? I know it’s difficult being a ref but surely you can’t have one rule for one and one for another. He wasn’t in a goal scoring opportunity”. Well yes that’s true, the keeper flattened him when he knocked the ball round him, prick. If the lads playing thought it was tense on the pitch, feelings were sky high on the sidelines. Things got petty though when during an argument with Bramleys centre back, Lee Dewsnap was heard saying, “You shut up, you started it”, much to everyone’s amusement.

Chin up though boys, I haven’t seen a team that we aren’t better than yet. BRING BRIAN BACK!

Anderson’s ‘Excuse of the week’
I can’t play today, our lass wants a lie in, it was her birthday nine days ago.

Looky Likey
I haven’t done a Green Dragon all-star celebrity photo group this season or last, so I’m going to run a look alike competition. Send in your suggestions to me or Karl and we will pick a winner each week. I’ll also see about getting a prize for the winner at the end of the season. Must be current Green Dragon players and a celebrity or known fictional character.

True or False
Danny Williams was once asked to play Jackie Chans daughter in a movie?
Chris McEwan was never injured; he was working as a part time rent boy at the weekends to pay off his student loans?

If so, where did Lee Dewsnap get the money from to pay for his wedding?

Final Farts
It’s been noted lately that a certain player never gets a mention, nomination, talked about in the match report, Dragon website or group page. Each player should be thought of as a valued member of the team, instead of glorifying certain individuals or set of brothers for example. What’s-his-name is a person with feelings and opinions too. Moving on, who do we all think is the better player of the Nuttall clan?

Check back next week for the next installment of ‘When life throws you Lemons …’.

Team Mates – Chris McEwan

This week welcomes the Dragon skipper, Chris McEwan, to talk about his team-mates …

Laziest player

Probably Mellor, I don’t think he’s ever joined in the warm up and normally stands about talking for half an hour.

Most Skilful

Tough one, it’s between Jack and Azza but I’ll go for Azza. I’m sure he has enough time to practice as he’s rarely seen after games.

Least Skilful

It was between Dewsnap and Bri’s dog, but after seeing bri’s dog with the ball on the side line last week… I will have to go for Dewsnap.

Most Intelligent

Got to be me, Dewsnap or Mellor, we have degree’s don’t ya know?

Least Intelligent

Without a shadow of a doubt it has to be Clarkson – by some distance aswell. I will never forget his idea on how to raise funds for the club…by doing something for charity???

Best Dress Sense

Karl always looks like he’s in The Wanted so I would have to say him, maybe he could join one-ted?

Worst Dress Sense

Dewsnap again purely because of them jeans he wears which looked like he was about to go on a zip wire. They should be cremated for crimes against fashion.

Best Taste in Music

Cal for me, always has some up to date stuff lying around in his F1 car- normally breaking the sound barrier though so it’s hard to hear it.

Worst Taste in Music

Lemo’s is shocking, its far too upbeat for me first thing in a morning. Infact I don’t even think its music. I’d rather listen to Bri’s half time team talk/rant.

Hardman

Have we got one? We’re all a bunch of wimps. Bring back the monk and the warrior!

Fastest Player

Couldn’t say to be honest, probably between Jack, Danny W, Azza and D Nuttall. I would put my money on D Nuttall.

Slowest Player

Another hard one to say, If it was a 100m race between Dewsnap, Greg and Speedy, I think Usain Dewsnap would be first in 2 minutes and 36.5 seconds, followed by Mo Greg and in last place Speedy.

… and …. Who’s the longest in the shower?

Micky off Shameless AKA dewsnap….SHOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSS !!